How to cope during Mercury Retrograde

Well it is official. We are all allowed to be legit cranky and short with people at the moment. And there is a reason!

There is a supermoon/retro in retrograde situation going on which is rare, and is why I am blaming on World War Three going on in WoogsWorld yesterday afternoon. After an exceedingly lovely weekend, it was bound to happen. Everyone is quite over-tired and over it and one little thing pushed me over the edge and THAR SHE BLOWS!

The big one uttered those words that you cannot take back…

“You have got nothing better to do….”

BOOM.

So here is a list of things that I would rather do than clean all the rubbish and crap out of your room which I should just leave but I cannot find any teaspoons or cups in my kitchen.

  • I would rather walk around on the front (bindi strewn) lawn with no shoes on.
  • I would rather go and watch Milo Yiannopoulos talk about how he hates everyone and everything.
  • I would rather eat the flint from the dryer.
  • I would rather line up at an Aldi Special Buys sale to get a toaster oven.
  • I would rather get a Brazilian and an anus bleach.
  • I would rather line up at Medicare to get my rebates back because for some reason I cannot do it online.
  • I would rather listen to Gangnam Style twenty times in a row.
  • I would rather try to change my address on my gas bill.
  • I am exceedingly anxious about all the hoops I have to jump through to enrol your brother into high school for next year, but I would rather do that than get a cricket bat and scoop all of the shit our from under your bed. Hello t-spoons and mugs!

FUCK YOU FULL MOON MERCURY WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING TO MAKE PEOPLE ROAD RAGE AND CHRISTMAS SHOPPING RAGE. COULD YOU NOT HAVE PICKED A BETTER TIME TO PILE ON? Chatswood Chase car park was a full war zone yesterday.

Did you know that Mercury Retrograde has different symptoms for different zodiac signs? Click here to discover yours. If you are a Gemini or Virgo, basically you are fucked because you are ruled by Mercury. Sending hugs as you slowly go mad. Me?

IN CANCER (June 21–July 22): Expect annoyances 
at home with baking, gardening,
 and household duties under domesticated Cancer. Complete repair projects that weren’t finished or done correctly.

Oh and it is so true! Just this morning I had the electrician in to replace the exhaust fan in the bathroom which wasn’t working and on Friday, the plumber was in to fix all the leaky things! I am experiencing annoyance at home on most fronts. Mainly this.

Which I got at the beginning of November and is still not hung up. And no, I cannot do it myself but I should because complete repair projects that weren’t finished or done correctly.

This particular Mercury Retrograde will flush out impatience, frustration and a high likelihood of mishaps, malfunctions and delays involving trains and planes. What perfect timing! As if this time of the year isn’t already smack bang full of crap! Let’s add to it, shall we?

Do you feel like just staying in bed under the doona all day and watching Netflix. That’s not you talking! That is another side effect.

Some things to do during this time?

  • Clean out your closet
  • Repair any festering relationships. Life is too short for grudges or drama
  • Rearrange the furniture in your house
  • HANG UP THE FUCKING PUNCHING BAG SO YOU CAN PUNCH THE FUCK OUT OF IT
  • Meditate and be calm
  • Practice self-love, whether that means having a massage or giving yourself a good seeing to, either way it’s up to you
  • Plan shit. Be in control of your calendar. Make lists and cross things off. This is because your brain can get a little foggy
  • Take a deep breath, pause and consider, before you fly off the handle (This information would have been useful YESTERDAY)
  • Avoid making important decisions or major purchases until December 22.
  • Don’s start anything new. Try to focus on tying up unfinished business. Like boxing bags.

In conclusion, you are not alone in thinking you are slowly going mad. We are all slowly going mad! It’s the most wonderful time, of the year!

Are you feeling it?

  • Donna

    I’m Virgo. We have enough to deal with, without Mercury’s retrograde crap!!!

    I’m too scared to read the horoscope.

  • Lisa

    I read the horrorscope
    IN PISCES (February 20–March 20): Foggy thinking,
 daydreams, and escapism are 
the norm; day-to-day realities
 confound otherwise clear heads
 when Mercury, the planet that rules logic, is in Pisces, which governs illusion. Practice creative pursuits—writing, dancing, photography, film, or painting.

    No wonder I’m fucking miserable why did I pick science as a career – there is truly nothing creative about that !