2018 Predictions

At around this time every year, the self-appointed colour gurus at Pantone release their “Colour of the year” and for 2018, they have announced that it is Ultra Violet.

Historically, there has been a mystical or spiritual quality attached to Ultra Violet. The colour is often associated with mindfulness practices, which offer a higher ground to those seeking refuge from today’s over-stimulated world. The use of purple-toned lighting in meditation spaces and other gathering places energizes the communities that gather there and inspire connection.

This speaks to me. I listened to ABC radio this morning and they put together an audio package, reflecting on the year that was 2017. It was enough to make me want to take a long walk off a short pier. 2016 was a bit of a shocker for me. I told my Talking Doctor that 2017 WAS GOING TO BE FUCKING GREAT.

She told me that it wasn’t going to BE FUCKING GREAT, but it would likely be better. And it was….. but only just.

So with that cheery little introduction, I present my 2018 predictions.

Lyle Shelton will come out of the closet.

Giant pool inflatables in the shape of a doughnut or unicorns have had their day. Bring back the good old Pool Pony! Actually anything unicorn is DONE.

Do you recall how Chevron used to be everywhere? That zig zag pattern was featured in clothing, homewares, towels, cushions and tampons. Then then came along gingham and kicked it’s asshole? Now gingham is still around, but I predict the following MUST HAVE pattern for 2018….

Fucked up florals will be EVERYWHERE DARLINK and I am calling this trend Boho Luxe Richess, which I think is perfectly pretentious, don’t you think? I also read an article this week which horrifically outlined the fact that prosecco was responsible for rotting the teeth of all the ladies who lunch! Quelle horreur! Now I couldn’t get on board with the 2017 trendy drink that was an Aperol Spritz, mainly because it tastes like ass, but after careful consideration I am pleased to announce the MUST HAVE drink of 2018.

Guys! It’s Strawberry! No more passionfruit vomits in the park for us. She has gone and grown up and comes in at a budget friendly $7 a pop (pardon the pun) but in ever BETTER news, it now also comes in Mixed Berry! Serve it with fruity cream cheese and Jatz to really impress your guests.

And now for some very sad news. Instagram Bikini Models have had their day. All of that anal bleaching has had an effect on sales and now there is a swing back to carrier pigeons. Keep one step ahead of the rest, and join Australia’s Pigeon Fancier Society here.

You are welcome.

And as for our canine friends, well you can kick your cavapoo to the kerb and say hello to the result of when a corgi makes sweet love to a german shepherd. (Or perhaps that should be the other way around?)

Now I did do a bit of responsible research into this very important blog post, mainly looking at Nostradamus and other people who have more of an ideas about what we can expect in 2018, but quite frankly there was not much good news to be had, so I shall hold that burden in because it is quite dire, but you might want to farewell this cheeky chap…

Now I am off to paint the walls purple, then I shall meditate and try to inspire my community!

What are your predictions for 2018?