On losing ones faculties

Note to self. Do not go to the chemist on a Monday morning to fill a script. It was as full as a tick in the Springtime.

Every seat was taken with the elderly, waiting patiently for their stash. I witnessed one particularly interesting account. Two old ladies, who must have known each other casually, were conversing about the glorious weather, as one tends to do with earnest after the age of 40. I know this as I am always banging on about the weather to strangers that I am stuck next to. Particularly if it is glorious.

Anyway, the shorter of the two had left her hearing aids at home. If I know anything, it is how to talk to people who are a little bit deaf. But her mate didn’t have the experience and kept saying things like…

“There are a lot of people in front of you Gladys. So you are going to have to wait a while.”

To which Gladys would reply…

“Thank you Esther. My daughter bought me this jacket from David Jones.”

To which Esther would roll her eyes and announce loudly to the rest of us waiting patiently, “I don’t know why I bother!”

I realised that the wait was going to be epic, so I took myself outside to get my Vitamin D happening. I plonked myself down onto the wooden bench outside the store, next to another older lady who had had enough of Gladys and Esther. Of course, we immediately began to talk about the weather.

Halfway though my explanation about my gratitude regarding sunshine, I felt a very big sneeze come on suddenly. I put my finger up, as if to pause proceedings, crossed my legs (because there is something about me sneezing near chemists) and SNEEZE!

Because it appears that I am losing my faculties, when I sneezed I had something else exit my body. From my bum. It was not subtle, nor was it very ladylike. Nor could it be ignored. I could use the word REVERBERATE quite confidently here.

I looked at my new friend in horror. She did not skip a beat, nor did she appear to be suffering from a hearing loss.

“Bless you. From both ends.”

And she laughed and laughed, and I laughed and laughed.

I heard my name being called from inside the chemist so I stood, turned to her and thanked her very much for making my day. It doesn’t take much these days. Obviously.

Have you still got control of all your faculties?

Which went first?