When food makes me angry

Rational Mrs Woog – “Don’t write about it! It is exactly what they want. They will love the media attention. You are eating out of the palm of their hand….”

Normal Irrational Mrs Woog – “They cross bred a donut with an energy drink? What the actual fuck? Who thinks of these things! When I get home I am going to write an outraged blog post about this…”

Normal irrational Mrs Woog wins!

Bacon and Eggs I totally get. Love and Marriage, Horse and Carriage TICK! Gin goes with tonic and hot chips require salt. There are certain thing that are meant to be.

But when I walked past a Donut Store today I could not believe my peepers! This is a bastardisation of the highest order. To take a perfectly good product such as the humble donut, and pump it full of Guarana flavoured green jelly, well mumblemublemumblegetoffmylawn.

Most things ingestible that are green of colour, are actually beneficial for ones well being. This, I suspect, is not.

And just what is Guarana? (off to Google. Back in four hours…)

Ok, so Guarana is a climbing plant from the maple family and is mainly known for its stimulant qualities, making you twice as hyper as a coffee. So they make that V drink, mix it with gelatine to make a goop, fry off some green dough with the goop inside and sprinkle it with green sugar.

I suspect if I ate one, I would start seeing double of everything, break out into a sweat, get into a long, drawn out twitter fight with Miranda Devine, absentmindedly lick the handlebars of public toilets before my pancreas exploded out my bum.

That donut will not improve me one little bit.

I do not believe we should mess with the classics. I mean, did anyone actually like the Chicken Big Mac? And what’s with all these new fan-dangled Tim Tam flavours and why are you kicking around with the Kit Kat?

And after much disbelief and hours of research, I have come to the conclusion that these grapes are not a part of an elaborate world-wide prank for April Fools, but I would be pleased to be proven wrong.

Please do not think I am some healthiness/wellness warrior. I became enraged while waiting for my NORMAL PROPER CINNAMON DEEP FRIED HOT HULA HOOP OF GOODNESS to pop out of the oil before being rolled in sugar.

Original is best.

Is there any recent food items that make you angry?