Our first fight as new parents

I mean, all baby stories are lovely, aren’t they? Look at these two, going home with their new son. Look at the love in their eyes! Look at that lovely outfit. Look at those shoes.

I wish I had shoes when I left hospital with my son….

It was February 2004 and we were suffering from the biggest heatwave since anyone could ever remember. I was in the hospital having had 2 days in labour before Harry eventually entered the world via the sunroof.

Later, I was in the airconditioning, on a self administered morphine drip and being waited on. Complete with Catheter. TV Remote. Life was good. I did not really want to leave.

Like all first time parents, we had an enormous amount of gifts and flowers delivered on an hourly basis. Mr Woog’s OCD took a dramatic spike as he ferried these items home at the end of each day so a clear path could be made from my bed to the bathroom.

The final day came and it was time for me to leave. There was nothing really to pack up as Mr Woog had taken care of that. Really taken care of it. A whole heap of care in fact. The only thing to take home was the baby.

The baby whose carefully purchased “going home” outfit had been taken back to the house.

Along with my entire wardrobe, undies, bras and shoes.

So we were standing in the car-park in 40 degree heat. I was wearing a hospital robe with another hospital robe on the back as to not show my paper undied ass to the other fresh faced mums benefiting from the luxury of shoes.

Horatio was dressed in a natty white singlet top with PROPERTY OF HAWKESBURY DISTRICT HOSPITAL across the back, and a nappy.

Times were tense.

Mr Woog opened the car door, looked at the baby, looked at the capsule, looked at me, looked at the capsule, looked at the baby and asked “Can you put him in?”

I fucking exploded. 

The baby started crying. Mr Woog looked like he wanted to run far far away. A passing doctor stopped and showed Mr Woog how to put a baby in the capsule.

Let’s just say the trip home was a very quiet one. And we drove at 15 km an hour.

Did your baby have a special outfit to go home in?

Were you wearing shoes?