How to Rage Clean

Yesterday morning I went through something quite unpleasant. Now when I go through something unpleasant my stress hormones so fucking nutso, and when I get stressed I get anxious and when I get anxious, I am about the least funnest person on the planet. So I do anything I can to avoid going down that particular rabbit warren.

So recently I have started to shift my mind-set, and so now when stress comes a knocking, I channel it into anger. Hear me out. There is a method to my madness.

So yeah, yesterday I came home, quite stressed, when I recognised the need for a sixty minute RAGE CLEAN. I turned that stress into anger, and that anger needed to be released. I walked around the house trying to select which room would be the victim.  This wasn’t just a zhush of a bookcase, or the clean out of a kitchen drawer. I needed to tackle the elephant.


I told you I was ragey. Now I like to rage clean with RUN DMC turned up full throttle. It is also good to don some active wear for sweat purposes and flexibility of movement. The first thing I do is scope out the job, burst into tears and go and put the kettle on. Once I have settled myself and channeled back my anger, I am ready to begin.

I confidently stride into the room, head straight to the window and fling it open. Then, I strip the bed of everything and throw it into a hot wash. Hot, because I am angry. Heading back to the room, I grab a golf club, a box of baby wipes, a black garbage bag and a washing basket. If you have two washing baskets then take them both. We have two but I don’t know where the other one is.

I lie on the floor next to the bed, in a filthy mood by now. I grab the golf club and make great sweeping motions under the double sized bed. Each sweep yields a multitude of stuff. Mainly my tea spoons. Rubbish goes into the garbage bag, and the cutlery and crockery goes into the washing basket. I then scan the rest of the room for rogue cups and stuff like that. Then it all goes into the dishwasher and then I throw it into a hot wash. Hot, because I am angry.

But slightly less angry than before. The steam is starting to clear a bit….

My work is not yet done.

This speech is my recital, I think it’s very vital
To rock (A rhyme), that’s right (On time)
It’s Tricky is the title, here we go……

It is time for the extreme purge. Around the room I go with my trusty black garbage bag and I am fucking ruthless. I get rid of pretty much everything. Shit like broken fidget spinners, promotional Bucket Hats from the Royal Easter Show, dead socks, old candles, many wrappers, dead pens, shoe boxes, I am pumped!

I grab my baby wipes and wipe everything! Bookshelves and dressers and skirting boards and windowsills, and by this stage I am quite sweaty and have a Diet Coke Pit Stop and watch a few minutes of Ellen. I am feeling much less pissed off. Why is that so?

This, from the good people from Exploring Your Mind.

You have to focus on the act, organize, remain silent, and above all, pay attention to what you’re doing. This state of complete attention will allow you to reach a meditative state in which your brain activity decreases. Thus, you’ll reduce your stress and anxiety levels. This is how housework can become a reparative physical and spiritual exercise.


So I had removed an entire bag of rubbish, restocked the kitchen so I didn’t have to find Jack drinking water from a vase anymore, remade the bed, gave the whole room a full blast of Glen 20 and shut the door. I was no longer angry. I was very calm. I had almost forgotten my unpleasant start to the day, at the very least it didn’t seem all that bad my then. I got on with my day, occasionally popping my head back into the Rage Clean Room, and enjoyed a lovely sense of accomplishment.

Now I know what are a lot of you are thinking right now.

“Oh she’s made a rod for her own back! She should just shut the door to that room. She should be getting her son to do that. What a fucking idiot!” which is probably all true! I just do not care for opinions like that. I pulled myself out of a rage. I cleaned it out. And surely, that is something to be celebrated.

Do you ever RAGE CLEAN?

What room could do with a RAGE CLEAN at your place?

Next time you are FILTHY PISSED OFF, will you give this therapy a whirl?