On Saturday morning I woke up with an ingrown hair

Just when I thought my body couldn’t get any more mysterious or unusual, on Saturday morning I woke up with an ingrown hair.

Now there is nothing all that special about an ingrown hair. It is when a hair grows back into the skin, or sideways into the skin, which in turn causes an infection. Most people dig them out with a needle, but if left untreated, you can have a real situation on your hands.

I have friends who love an ingrown hair! They see it as a challenge, and as a change to play doctors and nurses. I have a “mate” who had an ingrown hair on her lady garden that was so hectic, that getting around in the usual fashion became an issue. Wearing pants became an issue. Breathing became an issue. And my “mate” is the biggest sook, fraidy cat and complainer, so much so that one day one of HER mates turned up at the door with some tweezers and rubbing alcohol and bullied her way into said mates lady garden and did a little pruning.

(Thank you Mrs. Goodman. Only a true friend would take on such a cause.)

And in a world, according to Instagram, where female body hair is null and void, I wonder how all these young whipper-snappers escape this dastardly ailment. WHERE IS ALL THE HAIR? Or at least a decent shaving rash? But nothing. This is even more puzzling as swimmers become smaller and smaller.

So yes, I woke up on Saturday with an ingrown hair. Nothing so special about that. But perhaps it was it’s location was the thing of interest.

I WOKE UP WITH A FUCKING INGROWN MOUSTACHE HAIR.

Now women of a certain age come towards the end of their breeding life and this is where Mother Nature gives you one last middle finger jab by stripping you of the hormone oestrogen and flooding you with the male hormone testosterone. This is when your body tried to turn itself into a man. I cannot for the life of me make any sense of this at all, but it is true.

I am very aware and am on top of beard and moustache maintenance in general, but riddle me this.

WHY OH WHY CAN YOU BE FREE FROM FACIAL HAIR ONE DAY, AND WAKE UP LIKE A YETI THE NEXT MORNING?

DOES THIS EVER HAPPEN TO YOU?