Out with the Old & in with the New!

As Mr Woog enjoys his 45th year on the planet, he continues to surprise me with his advancing idiosyncrasies. He has always been a little bit eccentric, but as the years have passed Mr. Woog has been really ramping up in the ways that he can astonish me.

If you have been reading for a while, you might remember the Elk Horn Years. Read about it here. It will give you a more solid background as to what I am dealing with.

Since then, he had a lengthy stint as a vegetarian. He wanted to master every single swimming stroke and so he got himself a “stroke correction coach.” Mr. Woog has embraced dirt bike riding with the commitment and vigour of a sixteen year old youth, resulting in regular doses of Voltarin and ice packs.

The upside to all of this is that he is very busy and I am left alone to watch Netflix on the couch while ordering Ubereats.

But this latest craze isn’t that great. It is disturbing.

A few weeks ago we had been to a funeral. Afterwards, we went back to the family’s house for the wake. And while the rest of us Woogs made small talk over cups of tea and finger sandwiches, Mr. Woog was taking a tour of the wonderful gardens. When it was time to leave, I noticed that in his hand was a “cutting” of a plant.

Didn’t think much of it. Weirdo.

Ok, so since then, the word got back to the widow that Mr. Woog had absolutely loved her garden. She was thrilled! Garden people are a special type of people don’t you know? She organised a present for him.

This week he burst though the front door and yelled “Come and look at my bromeliads!” I immediately thought that is was a bike part and some new goggles. But it was neither. It was a driveway full of these….

I immediately had flashbacks of the post-apocalyptic novel and movie called The Day of the Triffids! There they all were, marching towards my house!

Since then, he has started planting them throughout the garden, in pots and EVERYFUCKINGWHERE and I don’t like them. They tend to bite you when you brush past them. Their leaves are dusty and not pretty and some have straggly looking strange flowers that I believe too be seeping with deadly poison!

Should I stand my ground and have them removed in the middle of the night?

If he starts planting strelitzia,  I am out of here!