How to pickle fennel

Fennel is a flowering plant species in the carrot family. It is a hardy, perennial herb with yellow flowers and feathery leaves. It is also quite stinky.

On Saturday I was running around the house like a mad woman, preparing to host a party for twenty five 13 year olds. There was food prep in full swing, someone was on the vacuum, plates were being put out and drinks to be put in eskies. For some reason, I BLAME INSTAGRAM BASICALLY FOR EVERYTHING, I was very concerned that everything looked perfect.

“It’s so aesthetic!” is very important to the modern 13 year old. So I raced past the kitchen on the way to make sure the fairy lights were working when I smelt something. I stopped, and looked at Mr. Woog.

“What are you doing?” I enquired.

“I am going to pickle this fennel…” He responded.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? We had hoards of teenagers about to descend on the house and he picked that actual moment to pickle a vegetable. I was speechless.

But then I realised that this was a pattern that had been going on for years. Like in 2001. We were again preparing to host Mr. Woog’s birthday party in our little terrace house in Crows Nest. Everything had been cleaned and polished and the last thing that we needed to do was to put the clean Doona cover on. This required two people.

“Hurry up doofus!” I yelled down the stairs. He had been acting very strangely and I put in down to pre-match nerves. He came up the stairs to find me mid-doona wrestle. I asked him to pull the cover down. I flopped on the bed with my hands clutching the corners of the cover.

“Do you want to get married?”

What? Excuse me? What?

I looked at him and he held out a little box. He looked like he was about to shit his pants.

And that is how we got engaged. Romantic hey!

Then there was that time that the cab was about to arrive to take us to the airport and he decided that it was the perfect moment to clean the air-conditioning filter which required the use of a huge ladder.

Now that I think about it, whenever we have to leave to go somewhere important, he will immerse himself in a ridiculous task. Is it a sickness? I think it might be a man thing, as I have had feedback to suggest it.

Mine used to sweep under the house, where no one was going, when we were having 10 people for dinner.

Why do they do this?? We had 20 people coming for Xmas lunch last year and rather than helping with presents or food my hubby decided to strip and re-stain the deck.

We were having people to our house for lunch for the very first time and at 11.30am he decides to install a skylight. Yes, holes in plaster, tiles off roof….

I think it’s a stress reaction.

Mine used to spend 6 hours mowing the lawn and raking the leaves so guests could spend 9 glorious seconds walking down our driveway.

Reminds me of the end of school year party hosted by a friend. As the guests were arriving his dad had the extraction fan in the sink cleaning it.

Mine is weird like that too. I wonder if it’s that they hate waiting and / or anticipating anything. Like, every fucking time we have been due to catch an international flight, he will vacuum the house before we leave because he can not bear the waiting to leave.

See! It is a real thing. It happens the world over. I AM NOT ALONE!

Has your partner ever done something daft at an inappropriate time?

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