Weapon of Choice

Weapon of Choice #notsponsored

There is a supermoon/retro in retrograde situation going on which is rare, and is why I am blaming on World War Three going on in WoogsWorld last night.

It was bad. I had a friend over who told me she was actually quite frightened herself. Words were spoken, unkind words, between my kids bofore the little one sprayed air fresher in the face of the big one, and I will leave it at that, lest I get flashbacks and weep. Again.

Let us just say I will never erase the sound of a aerosol can being pegged at a thousand kilometres an our, as it seeks out it’s target.

I tried to intervene. Usually I try to let them sort it out themselves, but this time they both had fire in their eyes. as I pleaded them for peace, The big one uttered those words that you cannot take back…

“You have got nothing better to do….”


So here is a list of things that I would rather do than referee the continual fights happening at the moment.

  • I would rather walk around on the front (bindi strewn) lawn with no shoes on.
  • I would rather go and watch Milo Yiannopoulos talk about how he hates everyone and everything.
  • I would rather eat the flint from the dryer.
  • I would rather line up at an Aldi Special Buys sale to get a toaster oven.
  • I would rather get a Brazilian and an anus bleach.
  • I would rather line up at Medicare to get my rebates back because for some reason I cannot do it online.
  • I would rather listen to Baby Shark twenty times in a row.
  • I would rather try to change my address on my gas bill.
  • I would rather give Donald Trump a lap dance.

Oh and it seems that the feralness will continue until the end of July.

This particular Mercury Retrograde will flush out impatience, frustration and a high likelihood of mishaps, malfunctions and delays involving trains and planes. What perfect timing! Mr. Woog is overseas for 3 weeks!

As if this year hasn’t already been full of “challenges” as Susan my Talking Doctor is always telling me. Do you feel like just staying in bed under the doona all day and watching Netflix. That’s not you talking! That is another side effect.

Some things to do during this time?

  • Watch Netflix until your eyeballs dry out
  • Clean out your closet
  • Repair any festering relationships. Life is too short for grudges or drama
  • Rearrange the furniture in your house
  • Meditate and be calm. Fail at this.
  • Practice self-love, whether that means having a massage or giving yourself a good seeing to, either way, it’s up to you
  • Plan shit. Be in control of your calendar. Make lists and cross things off. This is because your brain can get a little foggy
  • Take a deep breath, pause and consider, before you fly off the handle (This information would have been useful YESTERDAY)
  • Don’s start anything new. Apart from the three commissioned articles that you have agreed to do.

In conclusion, you are not alone in thinking you are slowly going mad. We are all slowly going mad! It’s the most wonderful time, of the year!

Do your kids fight? How do you deal with it? Seriously. I need help.