I’m not that innocent…

“But Mr. Zuckerberg! I am innocent!”

But my words fell on deaf ears and I was placed in Facebook Jail for violating community standards regarding nudity. I had linked to THIS wonderful article.

I had shown this article to my sons, as I found it to be. very useful teaching tool about body diversity and also thought my followers might have found it equally as useful. In a world where it would seem only “perfect” bodies should be celebrated, I thought it was great to know that we all look different and that is perfectly ok.

But I didn’t waste my time in Facebook Prison. Every moment was productive.

I used my skills to polish Mr Zucherberg’s collection of Nike Flyknit Lunar 3 sneakers. I was given the task of collating the advertising revenue from the latest Victoria’s Secret Facebook Paid Promotion, which I had to hide behind a portrait of Elon Musk in the boardroom.

Now, I never claimed to me a member of Mensa, but I’ll be fucked if I can understand when this even means…. Help an old sheila out?

I organised the library a little and towards the end of my sentence, Mr. Zuckerburg handed me a cob-web brush and instructed me to go up to the roof of the Facebook office and give it a thorough and proper cleanse. There were a few of us women up there that hot afternoon. Mainly mothers who had put photos up of them breastfeeding their babies.

We were all rewarded with a bottle of kombucha.

And then as swiftly as I was placed in Facebook Prison, my name was called. I was lead out back to my computer, and with the sun on my face, I vowed then and there that I would continue to write about how the world has become a more stupid place and how things are making less and less sense. Man nipple GOOD. Woman nipple BAD.

Do you ever wonder WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?