Three pairs of jeans that I respect and admire.

It is interesting that I would choose to do a fashion post when I am on day 2 and all I really want to do is eat an entire barbecue chicken while watching back to back episodes of Dr. Phil, but I thought I would share with you what I have been living in this Winter.

(Do you remember when I wrote that post about how some stupid British Survey told us that we needed to stop wearing jeans after the age of 53?)

Now, jeans. For some it is right up there with trying on swimmers, but it need not be that daunting. Now, you might recall that stupid chart that some fashion people direct you to compare your body with a piece of fruit. I say FUCK THAT FRUIT CHART BULLSHIT.

But me? My peri-menopausal hormones have directed all fat to march straight to my middle and hold tight. My butt is not at al bootylicious and my friends have described my legs as “chickenesque.” What type of fruit am I?

Just a very exotic one.

But my muffin top game is strong. Which is why I prefer higher wasted jeans to tuck a bit of it in.

*takes a break and wonders why she doesn’t get invited to fashion week anymore……*

Let us begin.

Styling You the Label

The Raelene demin jean (dark wash) is my everyday go to jean as they feel like tracksuit pants yet present as a complete classic. Excellent stretch properties and also gut coverage is on point. Size down to your usual size.

Bohemian Traders

Now these bad boys creatively named High Waisted Skinny Jean in Light Wash, are suitable when you need to up your cool factor. Also excellent for muffin top management, they are not as stretchy but super comfy still. They have distressed knees which can send off the vibe that you are a bit of a baddass, and know how to change your own tyres.

Decjuba

One of the things me and my friends fight about is which brand of champagne is superior (Piper) and how to pronounce the name of this label. Anyway, the Divine Ms. M gifted me a pair of Riley Skinny Jean which I immediately put on and felt like a teenager. Now, these will lift your butt up back into the place where it was twenty years ago, and smashes muffin tops into oblivion.

BUT they are not pre-menstral friendly and can only be comfortably worn when Flo has left town and you are ready to face the world, run through meadows and the like.

So there you have it. Three of my favourite jeans currently available. Now I am off to order Ubereats and watch unfortunate people have breakdowns on television. Because it makes me feel smug and a little bit more in control.

What are your favourite jeans? Do you know the Muffin Man?