How to be a loser

Last night I watched on as my son Jack won the award for the “most improved student 2019 Contemporary/Lyrical” and I was completely thrilled for him. He tries so hard at everything he does. He puts in 100%, so much so that sometimes he is physically broken.

Woog men/boys are often recipients of awards, a fact that is the butt of many family jokes as the genetic line is not known for any achievements in particular.

Indeed, it is a true fact that the lady who is writing these words on this blog has hit the age of 47 and to this day, remains unrewarded.

I could actually be filed under the word LOSER.

I have never won a prize or a competition.

When I was in primary school, I showed an early flare for putting together sentences that were both interesting and engaging. I was encouraged to enter a National Writing competition being run by the Federal Government. I wrote an excellent mystery story about a stable that was burnt down deliberately by the evil Sophia Von Troska who was jealous of Alison Adams recent gymkhana clean sweep at the Pymble Pony Club.

It had everything. Decent development of likeable characters, an evil bitch, plot twists, a hero moment as well as swift retribution.

It was sent down to Canberra, along with my dreams and hopes of winning.

Now, at the time Canberra was not as into MORONIC UNSTABLE LOSERS WHO COULDN’T ORGANISE A ROOT IN A BROTHEL as they are now, but it was also pretty lax when it came to rules. Like THEY WERE ALLOWED TO ROOT EACH OTHER IF THEY WANTED TO IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS MALCOLM TURNBULL.

Anyway, my Aunty Penny was working there. Mum called her to see whether the tribulations of the Pymble Pony Club had made the shortlist, which in itself is highly unethical. Sadly, I had failed.

This was a theme that I got used to over the years. There was a time that blogging competitions were HUGE and I was delighted whenever anyone nominated me (I never nominated myself) and I also, never won. I have entered so many prize competitions over the years and have gone empty handed.

Anyway, I have not stopped entering competitions because it dawned on me. DATA COLLECTION! It is the reason the American Diabetes Association wants to work with me. It is the reason that ED SOLUTIONS want to assist me in increasing my manhood and it is the reason why this keeps happening to me.

So I am a loser. A proud loser.

Or I may just take a page out of American writer Frederic Raphaels life charter when he says…

“Awards are like haemorrhoids: sooner or later, every asshole gets one.”

What has been your most notable achievement?