How to survive a ladies’​ lunch.

From what I gather from friends who have it, Social Anxiety can be a complete pain in the ass to live with. According to Beyond Blue, at least 11% of us will experience it at some stage of our lives.

I live with boring old generalised anxiety disorder, but I must say that I have been successfully been telling it to go and sweet love to itself.

BUT having said that I do get nervous in certain situations. I hate going into shops like Wheel and Barrow, because highly packed ceramics and glassware make me nervous as I am not elegant when it comes to movement. Am I the only one? I get nervous even walking past the bloody store…

And the other thing that makes me a little uneasy is going to a lunch full of fancy ladies, of which I know two of. Which will be me next week.

If you are like me, and get concerned that you are going to say something really offensive to the wrong person, who turns out the be the neighbourhood Mrs. Mangel, there are a few things that you can do to make it less likely to fuck up.

Arrive five minutes before the official time. Be the first to get there and offer to get stuck into the kitchen. This will give off the illusion that you are great mates with the host. There is NOTHING worse than walking into a room of ladies who all know each other, and the conversation stops as they check you over while you stand there trying not to shart.

Sidle up to another woman who looks like she also knows nobody and give her a compliment on her hair, ask where she gets it done and then offer to fetch her a champagne. This has a very positive strike rate of continuing on a meaningful conversation.

As the afternoon wears on, seek out the drunkest lady, of which there will be a full menu to choose from if history is to go by, and ask them about their marriage. That should see you out for the rest of the afternoon.

But there is the one thing that NEVER fails. Sawhole bought the Divine Ms. M this about 20 years ago and it is always a very handy conversation opener. The guac goes in the middle and the corn chips are scattered around the hat. People cannot HELP themselves when it comes to pressing the button!

You can order it here.

Do you have any tips when dealing with social awkardness?