Pamela and the PE Teacher

I do high school canteen once a month so I can apologise to teachers face to face and spend $46 on food for my son’s mates so they think that I am super cool.

I also look forward to it has we have struck up a little gang of mums and a grandma, who, as we make tandoori chicken wraps and cheese and salad rolls, discuss the events of the planet and try to solve the social issues at hand.

Then the bell rings and we line up at our counters and spent the next thirty minutes in complete chaos. Like yesterday, my mind never really fired up and I had to ask over and over again “What is it that you wanted again?” At once point all the canteen ladies collided around me and I lost it.

“TOO MANY PEOPLE NEAR ME! TOO MANY PEOPLE!”

Then Mrs. Goodman kicked the freezer and broke her toe while Pamela asked me “Whats the fucking difference…” between certain aloe-based beverages.

Then the bell went, the roller doors came down and we retreated again to the kitchen. Tea was made, toe was inspected and we shot the breeze.

Pamela is the grandma of our gang and she is quite something. In her 70’s and every fingernail coloured a different hue, she told us about her upcoming trip to Nepal where she is opening an orphanage.

You know, that sort of super person. Swears like a truckie, cannot stand our current government and had some strong words to say about Barnaby Joyce.

We really like Pamela.

Then the lunchtime bell went and the student body were particularly starving and they stripped the coolers and fridges of nearly everything,

Question.

Did you have Israeli Cous Cous salad as a lunch option at high school? Or Unagi?

Thought not. We are raising a generation of food wankers but that is another story for a different day.

Had a good chat to Horatio’s History Teacher though. He was a stand up kind of fellow. Good sense of humour which one must have to attempt to educate my oldest son.

Finally the bell rang out through. The shutters came down and we began to restock the shelves for the next day. Mrs. McDonald took the recycling out and came back all excited.

NOW I AM GOING TO FORWARD WARN YOU HERE. WE ARE ABOUT TO OBJECTIFY A MAN. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, STOP READING RIGHT NOW. I MEAN IT. DON’T COME AT ME WITH ALL YOUR HATE AS YOU HAVE BEEN MORE THAN WARNED. ARE WE CLEAR.

In social philosophy, objectification is the act of treating a person, as an object or a thing.

So Mrs McDonald told us that she had spotted a very handsome man who had been employed by the Department of Education to teach sports ball. She explained that he was somewhat dishy.

So naturally, the recycling was taken out if shifts so we could too, look at the nice looking man.

Then Pamela asked what was going on and we explained that an aesthetically pleasing human of the male persuasion was in our midst. Pamela was intrigued. We could not watch on as she made her way over to him.

I don’t think I had even felt more like a dirty old lady in my life. That was someone’s son we were perving on.

Pamela burst back into the canteen. We asked what she had said.

“Aren’t you a gorgeous thing! How old are you?”

The teacher replied that he was 23.

“Well I am old enough to be your great grandmother!”

It was at that point that I asked Pamela at what particular age are you able to just act in a way that just feels right all the time.

“70” She said without hesitation.

So only 24 years to go.