You can’t​ be what you can’t see, and at the moment my eyes are closed. But I am going to open them NOW!

Marketing myself has never been my strong point.

Many bloggers have broken ranks and have become very successful freelance writers. Kerri, I am looking at you. And in a space that is so overcrowded with voices, I wanted to sit back and think about if I had the guts, the strength and gumption to join them.

“If that’s ok? I will just hang on the edge of the gang and grab at scraps. Of course, I can write 800 words about whether a plant-based meat pie with no meat, really is a meat pie! It is already written in my head!”

So, having grasped that, the next step was to contact some big wigs from the cracker factories to let them know I was officially a wordsmith for hire. Because an email will surely make me stand out in the crowd…

Not quite.

But then I thought maybe, just maybe, could I even be bold enough to use my greatest marketing tool, this little old website, to draw attention to myself? Is that even possible? How would it even work.

Fuck it. Suck it and see. The actual email I wrote. Please don’t point out any typos as I will cry. This is all a big step for me. Be nice. Make gentle, soothing noises…

Dear Editor of Impressive Online News Site.

Firstly, thank you for taking the time to open my email, which I hope has not ended up in your SPAM folder along with a myriad of ways that chocolate flavoured lubricant will make you rich in bit coins.

My name is Kayte Murphy and for over twelve years, I have run the blog known as Woogsworld. I have also authored and co-authored several books and am one half of The Hot Flush Podcast, the World’s Premiere Podcast for the Peri-menopausal.

In a nutshell, I am a 46-year-old Mum raising two teenaged sons, and all I want to do is escape. My escape method is writing. This is where I am hoping that I may have piqued your interest.

I write fast and furious, often in an irreverent and humorous tone. I have years of experience writing compelling sponsored content, which is a gift I never knew I had until I schooled the brand manager of Tic Tac why a colouring in competition was NOT the way to launch the limited-edition Apple Green variety.

To be spoken in a heavy French accent…

“Mrs Woog, I am currently way outside my comfort zone…”

I am looking at expanding my freelance writing and I think we would go together like gin and tonic. I am a bit over shrilling the benefits of certain cleaning products for Big Pharma, however, having said that, I am not going to totally rule it out.

I would welcome any opportunity to discuss this relationship moving forward. According to my sixteen-year-old son, I am “vibing” with you, and I wish to take this to the next level, which is “tuning.”

I know. I am confused as well.

Thank you for reading, and all the very best.

Kayte Murphy

Aka Mrs Woog from the Internet