Wobbly Boots

Ok, time for some truth serum.

*Rubs truth serum into ones temples. Deep breath*

I am not enjoying the 2020 journey so far. In fact my mental health is all over the shop and try as I may, I revisit my notes from Dr Susan and “examine the evidence”. I mindfully hang out the clothes, eat fruit and veggies, so my exercise, avoid the news and do all of those things we know are good for us.

But I am tired. I hate the term “Fake it till you make it” and see it everywhere. Social Media is particularly perilous to be involved with when it comes to that, seeing friends SMASH GOALS where all I want to do is go back to bed. #soblessed

On occasion, that option wins out but it is such as easy trap to fall into.

Then I click onto Twitter for a few moments, like I did this morning. Big mistake. You have got Bob Katter dressed up as the Grim Reaper and Scott Morrison talking about how a highway upgrade with help mothers who are in labour and it just about did me in.

It is exhausting to try and figure out where it all went tits up for the planet. It just seems to be getting more terrifying. So much hurt out there and our leaders are behaving like absolute fucking morons. You can kind of see how one might start to lose hope.

From where I am sitting, the only way is up but how do you try to enthuse yourself back to the person you once were? I also am acutely aware that my hormones are playing games with my mind and body GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK ALREADY. We are soon moving house, have one kid who has embraced puberty and all the moodiness that brings, another who is starting the HSC and a husband who is so cheerful and happy that I feel like I am all alone on Cranky Island, which is like love island for those in their late 40’s. There are no mirrors on Cranky Island, but lots of hammocks and the music played is from the early nineties to remind ones mind of happier times.

Isn’t this a cheerful little read!

I am so grateful for my friends. They walk alongside me and listen to me carry on. I know that my existence and feelings are so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but fuck I am lucky to have them.

Anyway, just a quick check in to see how you are travelling. Writing like this actually is a huge help, because it is very cathartic to acknowledge things when they are not always hunky dory, and I know that I am not the only one wearing wobbly boots.

What about you? What shoes are you wearing at the moment?