The Health Update

For the past few months, I have been feeling like absolute crap. It started in October when I just completely lost my mojo, like it was out the door down the street, and it has taken me quite some time to find it. Asshole.

I was so tired some days I couldn’t get out of bed, or I would get out of bed, do the bare minimum to keep things ticking over, and then go and rest again. My whole body was aching, particularly my shoulders and lower back. I actually started to get a little scared, so naturally, I made an appointment with Dr Google and promptly shat my pants at all the terrible things I could have.

Anxiety has always been my jam and we have learnt to deal with that now, but did I have depression? Did I have perimenopausal depression, or regular garden variety?

Perimenopausal depression is a very unrecognised and a very real thing. I could tick off most of the symptoms.   How many can you list?

Low energy

Paranoid thinking

Irritability or hostility

Decreased self-esteem

Isolation

Anxiety

Sleep disturbance (HELLO 3AM ROLL CALL!)

Weight gain

Decreased sexual interest

Problems with memory and concentration

Wanting to stab pillows (maybe that is just me…)

It got so bad and I wasn’t doing anything about it, just wallowing around the house asking Mr Woog “What is wrong with me?”

Eventually, I went to the GP. She is a new GP for me and was recommended by some mates. Of course, I cried when we started talking because doesn’t everyone? That’s why they keep the box of tissues on their desk. For us criers. We talked about all things me, which I will not bore you with, and she suggested we look at changing my happy pills to a better happy pill, and then she went full CSI on me.

The woman left no stone unturned. She tested me for everything. I was like a puzzle to her, as she printed out referrals for scans and tests before asking me about my heathy habits. And that made me laugh a bit to be honest…

She asked me my weight and height which of course, I had no real idea about. So she weighed me and measured me.

“Am I still in the obese category?” I gently enquired.

She checked something on her computer and beamed when she told me that I was now in the overweight category. So that was a win.

I went back to see her a few days later and I didn’t cry. I didn’t cry because she was so lovely and I knew that I was good hands.

Ok, so what I got from going through my blood tests, is that your body is a bit like a recipe. Too much on one thing can fuck you up, not enough of another thing can make you sad. And there are so many bloody ingredients in our body that have to align perfectly to make the whole thing work. Like a sponge cake.

Me? I had too much of this and not enough of that. I was pleased that the STI and AIDS test came back negatively (I did tell you NO STONE UNTURNED!) and my thyroid is behaving itself nicely which I was very relieved about because it can be the can be the cause of so many problems, that quite frankly I don’t really need right now, but she did find one thing…

I HAVE FUCKING GLANDULAR FEVER!

If you have had it you will know how shit it makes you feel. So there is that.

Stage 2 of getting the recipe right for an optimal Mrs Woog concerns a gynaecologist. I visited the crotch camera radiographer yesterday. She was very nice but did not laugh at any of my jokes and boy, I bought out the big guns as I tend to do when I get nervous. She asked me whether I had been pregnant before and I told her that I had. She then asked if I had had a c-section, which I told her yes. This leads me to believe that things are looking nice and tidy up there.

Tidy vagina. Overweight Category. A diagnosed reason for my fatigue. Things are looking up my friends.

And so, in conclusion, if you are feeling crappy like a lot of chicks our age are, I implore you to explore whats going on. Find a good GP, a really good one who lets you cry without judgment. Because in the end, I am going to be ok. I think.

Oh I will.

When was the last time you got yourself checked out?