Lonely as a cloud

Not since I wrote a little post eleven years ago about being a member of the North Shore mum’s brigade have I had such feedback from a social media post that I innocently put up this week on Instagram Stories. Of all places.

In my defence, I was just trying to keep up with the cool kids. IG Stories is where it is at. Or Tik Tok? Whatever. My Space. Telegram.

Smoke signals.


I am steadily making my way to the pointy end of lockdown boredom while reading literature about practicing mindfulness. My Psychologist, Dr. Sweary McSensible suggested this as a beneficial task. I am currently feeling a bit creatively wasted and trying to dip my toe back into enjoying the things I used to love. Like writing about the mundane. 

Plus, I had to pinkie swear that I would do it. And if you don’t honour a pinkie swear then you know, seven years of really bad sex. And I fear I am running out of time.

So of course, I could not go past recounting my bi-annual task of sorting out the incompatible sock drawer as one day my great grandchildren, Sofa and Saltlick, might enquire about me and I would hate to be a disappointment to them.

“Your Granny Woog? She was a cultural icon. She was lucky enough the meet 3 Prime Ministers in a row at Kirribilli House. And she actually made it into the paper for calling Julia Gillard, Julia Roberts… twice! Then she wrote about trying to steal a Margaret Preston painting from the dunny.

Mrs Woog value-added by posting snapshots from around Kirribilli House, including pictures of the macarons and croissants which were served and an interior of the Prime Ministerial loo. It is adorned with a ”handbag-sized” Margaret Preston work, which is bolted to the wall, she reported.

And that is how Granny Woog ended up on the $17 dollar bill.” Oh, the tales they will tell.

But back to the far more interesting story about me sorting out the spare sock drawer. If you have been watching Love Island UK on an endless loop like me, your vocabulary might be starting to take on phrases from 20-something ridiculously hot specimens.

These ridiculously hot specimens are lucky that they are ridiculously hot. And I will defend that bitchy judgement with the old saying that “wisdom comes with age…” SIDE EYE HERE MRS. WOOG. DELETE THIS SENTENCE DURING THE EDITING PROCESS.

I felt very guilty about not being able to match up pairs. It reminded me of when I was in Year 2 when the evil 1970’s Primary School Teachers made the boys line up on one side of the hall, and us girls line up on the other side. Then they would ask the boys to choose their dance partners.

I always ended up dancing with the teacher. Not even Gordon Warty Thumb would veer towards me.

Ok. The sock. Focus.

It was a sad, lonely tube of mix breeding. If I was a betting woman, I would put my money on a cotton/nylon blend with a nod to a distant generation somewhat related to elastic. A dull grey in colour, the abandoned foot tomb reached to an unacceptable height that should never be worn by under anyone under the age of 8. And yet this was roughly a size 15 specimen which made me feel uneasy. Like, a grown man wearing a diaper.

The sock looked almost brand new. Roughly an inch below the strangulation threshold, where one might be knee-capped for ripping off a vape dealer, were three stripes. Royal Blue, Canary Yellow on Crack, and bringing up the rear, another royal blue stripe.

It was this sock that I found in my house, as lonely as a cloud.

So naturally I did an Instagram Story about it and then I had something tremendous happened.

Many many mums contacted me to tell me which school that sock belonged to, which was quite interesting as there were many schools suggested. I have actually narrowed it down to one of five Catholic Private Schools for boys.


The first correct answer to identify the school who makes their students wear knee high socks EXACTLY like this one will win…

The sock.

Only one entry will be accepted per person.

The deadline for receiving entries for the competition is final. No entries received after the given date will be considered. 

The judge’s decision is final and no correspondence will be entered into. 

Winner will be contacted personally.

The prize must be taken as stated but it is freshly laundered.