My Honorary Degree from the University of Mind Fuckery

DISCLAIMER

By choosing to continue to read this brain dump by Mrs. Woog, I promise to do as I am instructed to do at the end of this short message. If I do not comply, Mrs. Woog has every right to send my contact details on to Craig Kelly.

This year I was excited to award myself an honorary degree from the University Of Mind-Fuckery. I had completed all of the requirements that entitled me to gain a Doctorate of Inordinate Worry. Because of Covid there was no public ceremony, but I did qualified for a short, yet sharp and effective mini break in a mental health facility. For reals.

“Oh wow, I don’t know what to say. I would like to thank my Husband, who really saw my potential in becoming a complete car crash.The fine folk at Dan Murphy’s for the fuel that enflamed the fire. I acknowledge the part of the hysterical FEAR FEAR FEAR bombarding messages from the mainstream media who insisted that WE ARE ALL DOOMED played in my anxiousness.

Special shout out to Craig Kelly, and if you can stop sending me flirty texts, well that would be just great. I have enough to fucking deal with at the moment and am not looking at starting something ok?

And of course, it is just such an honour to be nominated, let alone be in the same category as the other 27% of Sydney folk who are all prime examples of cultivating a catastrophic brain at this time…”

Oh what a time to be alive! I have so much to tell you, but let us chuck it down and start with this little nugget today.

Earlier this year, while checking out my chesticals in the shower as I do every month to make sure everyone was behaving themselves, I came across a lump. Of course I went straight into a Doom Central Level 99 Code Red Panic Button Cataclysmic Coma.

Once I came to and the logical side of my brain kicked in, I went through all the channels. The mammogram and ultrasound confirmed my discovery. Shortly thereafter, I had a fine needle biopsy and after a nervous wait was given the all clear. But not before I had put a Spotify list together for my funeral and selected the ten mates that could attend this event.

You will be pleased to know that YOU can come!

It was only after I was informed that NSW Health have temporarily cancelled all Breastscreen NSW appointments and suspended the invaluable services because of the lockdowns, that I realised how extra devastating this could be to many. Seventeen thousand thousand women are diagnosed with breast cancer every year. Early detection is vital in saving lives. Mammograms can pick up abnormalities that can be undetected by any other means.

There is no timeline on when these services will resume.

This, my friends, is bullshit.

I really need you to click here and sign this petition to re-commence these life saving facilities under Covid Safe Conditions.

It takes just seconds, unless you have lost your glasses. Brad and Glad will hopefully realise how important this is for thousands of women. This shit show of 2021 is bad enough. Let’s not add more worry to the list, ok?

And remember, sign the petition (please) or expect a text from Craig!