WAX ON

Every few weeks I trip over my moustache. I will take a good, hard look at myself in the magnifying mirror and recoil in horror. PEACH FUZZ, otherwise known as vellus hair, quite often will overtake my face which is totally normal for a gal of a certain age. It is only when I wear makeup that I really notice it but I notice it and it bugs me. … [Read more...]

Of penis pink nails and hardware

Some people get their nails done to fill in a part of their day, where as other people, like me, treat a pedicure like a medical appointment. PICK A COLOUR For me, this is a very big commitment. You see I use the shellac polish which means it looks great for two weeks, and then terrible as I pick pick pick away at it which you shout NEVER do … [Read more...]

Enter the Stirrup Pant

Look, to be honest I had heard the rumours but I didn't believe it could be true. That was before I walked into Witchery yesterday morning and was confronted by a slap across my face memory from the late eighties.... Stirrup pants are back! Born in 1985, it has taken a few decades to trot back into fashion. While I am here, who decides these … [Read more...]

1987

The year was 1987. Bob Hawke was out Prime Minister. It was the year Kylie Minogue released her first single, I should be so Lucky and it was the year that Vietnam Vets were finally recognised for their service, albeit 15 years too late. And it was the year that I first clapped my eyes on a garment known as the bubble skirt. Oh, be still my … [Read more...]

High Maintenence

When you are waiting for your wax lady to knock on the door of the cupboard that has been set up as a waxing station at the back of a nail salon, you have time to ponder things. Things like, why the fuck am I lying on a plastic sheet covered table, waiting for someone to pour hot wax on me, allow them to rip out rogue hair and then give them … [Read more...]

Ten Reasons to Switch to a Barber

This is Dylan. Dylan is an important person in my life, for he is the one who cuts my hair. Being a hairdresser means that I can show his face! He has been cutting the kids hair for years. Dylan is not your average hairdresser. He is a barber. One day, he had finished cutting their hair when I asked him whether he could have a crack at … [Read more...]

The time my undies tried to kill me

The year was 2003 and I was walking down the isle for the 6th time. I felt trapped and restricted, dizzy with all eyes on me. Sweat beaded upon my upper lip and I struggled to breathe. I just didn’t think I could go through with this. Again. I was a bridesmaid, being strangled by a support garment on front of a crowd of smiling family and … [Read more...]

Of pink lilies and cheap Tahitian Hookers.

I think that we can all agree that we suffered some big losses in 2016. I lost my beautiful step dad John plus my gorgeous and important friend Maria. It has been a tough one. And we lost another iconic family friend as well. His name was Brian Jones. Brian Jones and my mother first met when he owned an Art Gallery in the Hawkesbury. The year … [Read more...]

Mrs Woog gets her face waxed!

Isn't life a bitch sometimes? Like when you are in your mid-40s and your body is OVAH having babies and so then it tries to turn you into a man. I mean, for Christ's sake, we suffer and we suffer and we suffer through periods, getting pap smears and mammograms, just to make sure everything is as it should be and them BAM. You wake up one day … [Read more...]

Bringing back the pant.

As sure as the sun will rise, there is one thing that I cannot live without. Oh, apart from oxygen, water and edible sustenance. Them would be my undies. Knickers, Reg Grundies... but never, ever panties. That word can get in the bin. There is something secure about a generous set of undies. And I am not talking about those wispy threads of … [Read more...]